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Narcissistic SupplyNarcissistic Supply is the name given to the way Narcissists need attention. They feed on this attention. It's their drug of choice. And guess who gets to give that attention? Yes, you! Now, all of us love attention - of course we do! But the Narcissist takes this to an extreme level. She is an addict for it.
At some level Narcissists are scared that they don't really exist, so they need to see themselves reflected (and preferably favourably reflected of course!) in others' eyes. By giving a Narcissist attention, you're providing their narcissistic supply. It's an ongoing job, and you'll need to do it all the time. It's an endless thankless job, but one that, if you're allocated the role, you'll find hard to avoid. And of course, being a daughter of a narcissistic mother means that your role in life is this role. Since the topic of this website is Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, we're talking about daughters being the
source of Narcissistic Supply. (Sons are too, of course, as are husbands and friends and anybody unlucky enough to
be in her sphere.) The trouble starts when the child gets bigger, and starts getting a mind of her own. And even worse, starts wanting to live her own life. My own mother said to me once, "The best years were when you were all small." I didn't think much of it then, but it chills me now. It was so indicative, if I had but realised it, of her narcissism and her need for narcissistic supply. And now that I'm a mother myself and my own son is 13, I'm still thinking that every age has been the best yet, that every age has its own gifts. I don't think it was better when he was smaller and more biddable. But then, I'm happy for my son to be his own person. I'm not looking for narcissistic supply. The preferred type of narcissistic supply is adoration, admiration or approval. But failing that, any sort of attention will do. Fear is an acceptable alternative. While you're fearing somebody you definitely paying attention to them. You're watching them and referring to them - lots of narcissistic supply there. Engulfing mothers often use tactics such as emmeshing to keep their daughters with them, to keep them around as a source of this narcissistic supply. Part of the DONM journey is to extricate yourself from this. Another trick they use to keep up their level of narcissistic supply is infantalisation. Return from Narcissistic Supply to Narcissistic Personality Disorder Return from Narcissistic Supply to Home
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