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Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Before talking about Narcissistic Personality Disorder in detail, I need to explain what a Personality Disorder is.

There are many technical explanations which you will be able to find, but at its simplest, somebody with a Personality Disorder is someone whose brain is somehow wired differently from the rest of us, and so they act in ways which are abnormal and dysfunctional by the standards of most humans. 

The American Psychiatric Association describes a personality disorder like this:

The essential features of a personality disorder are impairments in personality (self and interpersonal) functioning and the presence of pathological personality traits.

The DSM V (i.e.the fifth edition of the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder as a personality disorder.

And the way Narcissistic Personality Disorder causes people to act abnormally and dysfunctionally is explored in the rest of this website, but suffice it to say for now that it makes them believe they're better than everyone else (perfect, in fact) and to treat others as commodities rather than people, who only exist to meet their needs and to serve them.

It's not vanity, as many people think, although vanity can certainly be a component. But vanity is a symptom - one among many - rather than the essence of narcissistic personality disorder.

Narcissists are NOT insane. They are sane, and fully aware of what they do, and also are probably aware that society does not approve of these actions. But they don't care. They think the rules do not apply to them.

NPD was only recognised since 1980. And  it seems to be very little known - most people have never heard of it. This means that victims of Narcissists, both Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers and other victims such as spouses of Narcissists, can be living a nightmare without ever realising what's going on. And also even when they do realise what's going on, none of their circle can understand and they get told, "But she's your mother!" This can leave us DONMs feeling so isolated.

You can read about the Definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder here, and the traits of Narcissists here. Here's their characteristics - how the traits make them act. And there's amazing information about how narcissists behave in Drew Keys' book Narcissists Exposed, which is available as part of the Narcissistic Parents Survival Kit - highly recommended.

There is also a spectrum to Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and you might be able to identify where on it your mother is situated. I also invite you to read my page on what causes NPD - short answer is that it's possibly genetic, and then what the consensus is about treating Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

You will also need to know about Narcissistic Supply and Narcissistic Rage - if you're the Daughter of a Narcissistic Mother, you've no doubt experienced the second when you didn't do enough of the first.

And very importantly, you'll need to know how to recognise a narcissist, and once you've done that, how to deal with that same narcissist.

Incidence of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Nobody knows exactly what the incidence is. Narcissists rarely present for therapy. And of course, it's a spectrum disorder which makes it more difficult to know. But the estimates are between 0.6% and 1.0%. 


Danu Morrigan

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