Forms of Abuse
Narcissistic Mothers have many subtle - and sometimes not so subtle - forms of abuse.
She lies to us and about us. She insults us, sometimes so subtly that we're left wondering if
we imagined it. Sometimes the insults are wrapped in a cloak of concern, "Poor you, you're always so confused".
She demeans us and doesn't respect us whatsoever.
She ignores us when it suits her and overwhelms us what that suits her.
She manipulates us, our feelings and our situations for her pleasure.
She controls us, using us as a pawn to get her Narcissistic
She ignores our personal boundaries, both physical and emotional. She treats us as an object, only
existing for her gratification. She denies our basic existence, our very humanity.
She subjects us to her Narcissistic Rage on a whim.
She forces guilt onto us, and shame. She tells us in every moment - verbally and otherwise - that we're
unworthy and never good enough for her.
She gaslights us, making us doubt our own reality and our own sanity. This
is such a core issue it's why I called my book You're Not Crazy - It's Your
She's sly and sneaky, reserving her abuse for secret times, so others don't see it, and don't believe us if we
try to tell them. Which is even more crazy-making.
She neglects our needs, sending always the message that we don't matter, that we're worthless. This leads to
self-loathing and struggles with self-care.
She's unpredictable, capricious and inconsistent, so we never know where we are or what to expect. There's no
secure foundation to this world.
She tells us she loves us and distorts the word by doing so, because she doesn't act as if she loves us. Another
form of gaslighting as our experience contradicts exactly what she is insisting
She makes herself the centre of the family, forcing us all to revolve around her and keep her happy. Her needs
are paramount; ours, barely acknowledged.
She can't be trusted. She says one thing one day, and another the next.
She misuses your vulnerabilities. She knows them, as your mother. Anything you say will be used
against you. She fights dirty.
Light, of Light's House fame, who co-created the Narcissistic Parent Survival Kit with me, wrote the following.
I share it here with her permission.
She starts off by saying: "I hate our mothers. I'm so sick of their ...
- Dirty little lies
- Temper tantrums
- Dirty tricks
- Power grabs
- Guilt trips
- Head trips
- Inferiority trips
- Name dropping
- Thoughtless, even hurtful, gifts
- Punishments for displeasing the queen
- Insistence that their religion/politics/values/decisions/ways etc.,
are right and good and everyone else’s are wrong and
- Smear campaigns
- Blaming their victims
- Intolerance of others' happiness
- Intolerance of others' success
- Intolerance of others' needs
- Intolerance of others' emotions
- Intolerance of others' beliefs
- Intolerance of others' decisions
- Intolerance of equalities
- Intolerance of the way you raise your
- Utter nonsense
- Wild accusations
- Inability to reflect or improve
- Ulterior motives
- The fact that they ruin Christmas/Chanukah/New
- The fact that they ruin Thanksgiving
- The fact that they ruin Easter
- The fact that they ruin both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, even if
they're not Jewish!
- The fact that they ruin your
- The fact that they ruin your children's
- Name dropping
- Mental abuse
- Verbal abuse
- Physical abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Emotional abuse
- Child abuse
- Spousal abuse
- Familial abuse
- Unwanted emails
- Unwanted phone calls
- Unwanted letters
- Unwanted cards
- Unwanted presence
- Using money
- Using children
- Using your siblings
- Using her friends
- Using her coworkers
- Using out-and-out strangers
- Emotional irresponsibility
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Mothers With Narcissistic Personality Disorder
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