Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers &
Relationships

Daughters of narcissistic mothers often struggle with relationships. It's not surprising, given that we did not have good healthy relationships modelled for us.

This difficulty with relationships can manifest in different ways: difficulties with making or keeping friends, difficulties with romantic relationships, difficulties with working/professional relationships. I know one issue I often have is knowing what the rules are! It's like everybody else has this secret code book and I didn't get a copy.

Romantic relationships and marriage can be a very big problem - probably because the quality of those relationships affects so much the quality of our lives. If a friend is toxic we can usually break off the relationship easily enough. If a colleague is toxic we can usually change jobs, albeit with a greater or lesser difficulty.

But if our husband or partner is toxic ... well, that's life upheaval stuff, isn't it? It can take years to even realise how bad things are, and more years to get the courage or resources to leave.

I see from reading the experiences of the forum members that many daughters of narcissistic mothers marry narcissistic men. Not all, probably not even most. But many. It's not surprising, really, is it? It's what they're trained to, it's what they're used to. And these narcissistic men find these women unerringly.

Even if we don't marry a narcissist, it can be challenging to create a healthy relationship. I am heartened by the number of women on the forum who have married the right person first time out, or even second time out. But it's far from the majority.

I myself married a man who is, and always has been, emotionally unavailable. He is the kindest, most decent, most gentle, most ethical person you can imagine. But he cannot engage in close personal relationships.

In retrospect I can see that I was totally modelling and replicating my childhood: emotional neglect and distance.

In his groundbreaking Imago theory, Harville Hendrix argues that we marry for the purpose of healing and finishing the unfinished business of childhood. Since our parents are the ones who wounded us, it is only they who can heal us. Not them literally, but a primary love partner who matches their traits. And so we marry people who replicate our parents' dysfunction, in the hope that we can fix it this time.

I can totally see this, and indeed am in awe of how perfectly I chose my husband, of all the people I could have met and married, and how perfectly he replicated (albeit in a much kinder and well-intentioned way) the dysfunction of my childhood.

So one of the things I want to do here is to research and collect resources to help us do/get/have/create better relationships.

Finding The Love You Want with EFT

The Cure To Being Single When Nothing Else Works

It's no secret that I am a huge fan of EFT/Tappping to quickly and easily resolve our subconscious negative programming. Well, I have located this resource which uses EFT to help you find love by removing your mental and emotional blocks. It has been created by Stefan Gonick, the EFT Love Coach.

The courses are not cheap, but a) they come with a full 60-day money-back guarantee, b) meeting the love of your life is surely priceless! and c) there's a free mini-course for you to try it out.

You can find out more, or get yourself the free mini-course by clicking the image below:

I recommend Harville Hendrix's books for anybody wishing to understand their relationship dynamics.